While I am extremely happy that I've finally completed and published my first book from the "I Could Write A Book" series, "So I thought I'd try online dating;" I was completely shocked that somehow I managed to miss such an important aspect of it all. Thanks to our easy ability to blog, I've decided to share my missed mayhem with my readers.
If you've done the online dating thing, then at one point or another you've met Mr. Nigeria. Now before you all go politically-correct on me, there is a direct correlation with the name and the nutcase, and it has NOTHING to do with the country.
Mr. Nigeria isn't one individual, rather the identity of many. He sends out emails on dating sites, touting his untimely travel to Nigeria for work purposes, as his reason for not being able to meet at that very moment. You don't usually find out about his less than ideal dating situation until at least the 10th email. This is right about the same time you find out about his motherless son. Of course he lost his mother in some tragic way, but thankfully the corporation that Mr. Nigeria works for allows his son to travel with him and a sitter is even provided.
He is the mother of all hopeless romantics and even though his English leaves a lot to be desired, you get the gist even if it's misspelled or misspoken. You become the apple of his eye almost from the get-go as he professes his need for a good and loving woman in his frequent and lengthy emails. Now, on to my point.
Once I self-published my book, I needed to find avenues to market said book and being a single parent didn't leave a lot of money in the bank to do that. Utilizing every free avenue on the net, I began spreading the word; Facebook, Myspace etc. I hadn't seen Myspace in approx. two years, but being able to look people up by "single, divorced" and looking for "relationships, dating" was to my advantage.
Every day, I signed in and friend requested (God I hate that word) twenty people, usually women, but occasionally men. (Because we all know I'm bi-sexual...that's an inside joke I'll share in my next post.) Once the request was accepted, I sent out a letter thanking them and directing them to my Facebook Fan Page or Amazon.com. I kindly thanked them for their time and apologized if they felt spammed...I hate spammers! Needless to say, it wasn't long before the men started sending their own friend requests...I see much hasn't changed since my last login. However, I couldn't believe that my very first friend request turned into the trauma it did. It sent me spiraling back to the past when I was none the wiser and actually communicated with these morons.
I just had to share the email I received today via Myspace that sent me into my head spin. I know now, my book is spot on lol. Bare in mind, it says I'm only on Myspace for networking, but then it never much mattered what my profile said then, why the hell would it matter now lol? Also bare in mind, this was AFTER I had already sent the polite email regarding my book and my marketing attempt.
It is amazing when looking through some profiles and I got captivated by your
picture, you are a very pretty lady and my eyes got stocked for few
seconds looking at you, am sure you are looking at me ...lol. Just
asking sincerely,are you single ?If yes, then I am sure the men were you
are most be blind and need surgery on their eyes, thanks to them anyway
because I believe that’s the reason why I find you here.
I am keen about knowing you cos you look like a lady with gently heart
and needs a man in her life with no games.I will be happy if you contact
me, my heart can’t wait to know you real quick. Hope to hear from you
I am thinking of you, In my closet solitude today. If it's wrong to know
you, then my heart just won't let me be right. 'Cause I'm drowned in
wanting to know you, And I won't pull through, without getting a reply
from you,please add me on your personal messenger with this i.d and lets
have a chat or write me with the i.d , email@example.com .
Much Love, Jay .
I'm still laughing, give me a moment while I compose myself so that I may continue.......................................................................................................................................................................... Okay, let us continue...eh em.
Now even though he does not go through the Nigeria stint, I can assure you, given the opportunity that will be coming soon. I haven't decided yet if I will let him go on just to humor myself lol or if I will delete him...time will tell :)
I also thought it would be fun to share a few others that again, had already received my email in advance of them playing their player cards. Let us examine the moron make-up shall we?
This one in particular was told after the fourth "you're beautiful" email, that I was indeed engaged to be married...
understand... if you change your mind.... we could always get to know
eachother better.. if not thankyou for the friendship beautiful! ;)
What part of engaged does he not understand? And does he really think the word "friendship" will throw me off?
Baby, please even though it's just our first time of talking to each
other and not to conceal anything, Baby you adore me, Wayn is just after
a lady who is God fearing and romantic in terms of loving making
preferably you will welcome me when you agree on my love terms baby?
What part of "buy my book" screams sex to you and who the hell is Wayn? I know the broken English could construe him to be a beginner Mr. Nigeria, but this guy just sucks at English, there's no hidden agenda here...he wants sex lol.
All I can say is, thank God I'm done dating!