There was a time when, as women, we respected ourselves enough not to give our goods away for the promise of a go to buddy when we felt lonely. Now a days it's all about the act of making love, but the truth is, it isn't love or even like for that matter. Our morality is crashing down around us and we are the decay in the foundation of said morality. I suppose if we don't care about our own reputations, at the very least we should care about our daughters. We are inadvertently dragging them down to the depths of dismal self-respect with us as we partake in the forbidden fruit...friends with benefits and the like.
As a woman who did the online dating thing for four years and wrote a book about it the subject no longer shocks me, but it does sadden me. If even as adults we don't know better...how do we expect our children to? If we don't have the capacity to claim respect for ourselves, we certainly won't be teaching them how to.
Sex is a big deal and it needs to be treated as such; not just by our teenagers, but by ourselves. We need to talk to our children! Step up and stop waiting for someone else to do it...someone else isn't vested in your children...but you should be! Why are we letting our kids make these kinds of monumental decisions for themselves? We give them the tools to take advantage of sexual situations by allowing them to go to their rooms with the opposite sex, stay out till all hours of the night and not tell us where they're going. We need numbers, destination addresses and parental partnerships where you actually know the name and have met your daughter or sons friends mother/father.
Sex has always been a lure from one generation to the next be it from peer pressure or merely curiosity, but you don't have to make it so easy to achieve for them. We just need to slow our days down, pay attention, talk and realize that respect doesn't change from one generation to the next...at least it shouldn't! It's okay to go against the grain of the "toleration" generation and just say no!
Realize that what you do in your own life, especially if you are divorced and dating does have an affect on the way your child experiences the world and what they will deem as acceptable behavior. You don't have to have sex to snag someone special, in fact, if you wait it turns out to be much more rewarding and honest in the end...I speak from experience. It may seem condescending to give a reminder to adults that should have and may have been given this same reminder years ago, but it's warranted because we've forgotten. Even as adults, we seem to be confused about our roles in the world so I'm here to tell you it's still okay to say no! I realize we live in a quick gratification society, but I promise you there is nothing gratifying about being used. Besides, sex and quick should never be used in the same sentence...just sayin.
Let's get back to basics for ourselves and our children. Being able to admit that you've been doing it wrong and demanding respect for yourself rather than a one-night stand is what makes you an adult and being able to demand it from and for your children is what makes you an exceptional parent.
Be part of the back to basics trend and button up!
Sincerely,
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Back to basics
Somewhere a long the lines women lost sight of dress code etiquette when trying to entice the male species. Sadly, today it starts at a much younger age. I haven't decided if that's because the divorce rate is so high and so many of us middle agers are out there dressed to kill...your reputation that is.
There is an inappropriateness to our dating dress code and we've seemed to have made it a trend. Not always by dressing that way ourselves. Sometimes it's simply by allowing our daughters to dress that way. Are they imitating us? Or are we imitating them? Either way it's the wrong message!
What ever happened to "leave a little to the imagination," or "why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?" Yes they are old fashioned, but sometimes old fashioned is a good thing! For instance grandmas chicken soup for that common cold. We need to get back to the basics again both in our own wardrobe and those we are passing our feminine torches to...our daughters.
There is nothing more unappealing than a forty-something (keep in mind I'm a forty-something) sitting at a bar with her boobs on display. It wreaks of desperation ladies. Now before someone goes postal on me for my views...know that I always speak from experience...in other words...there was a time when it was my boobs at the bar.
There is equally nothing more unappealing than the 15 year old dressed for homecoming in a skirt short enough to display her...eh em...daisy. For God sake...if she bends over the whole world will know her business.
We are collectively sending a message and not so subtly I might add. I wonder if it is really our intentions to sink that low and why we feel like we have to? I'm not suggesting that we put a penny between our knees when we sit down with our dates or during school. Nor am I talking turtlenecks in July. However, keeping the parts protected for a little while...you'll find...will give you more power than you know. And should you snag the bachelor you've been eyeballing...what a prize he will have waiting for him when you are ready!
Dare to be different! Start the back to basics trend!
Sincerely,
There is an inappropriateness to our dating dress code and we've seemed to have made it a trend. Not always by dressing that way ourselves. Sometimes it's simply by allowing our daughters to dress that way. Are they imitating us? Or are we imitating them? Either way it's the wrong message!
What ever happened to "leave a little to the imagination," or "why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?" Yes they are old fashioned, but sometimes old fashioned is a good thing! For instance grandmas chicken soup for that common cold. We need to get back to the basics again both in our own wardrobe and those we are passing our feminine torches to...our daughters.
There is nothing more unappealing than a forty-something (keep in mind I'm a forty-something) sitting at a bar with her boobs on display. It wreaks of desperation ladies. Now before someone goes postal on me for my views...know that I always speak from experience...in other words...there was a time when it was my boobs at the bar.
There is equally nothing more unappealing than the 15 year old dressed for homecoming in a skirt short enough to display her...eh em...daisy. For God sake...if she bends over the whole world will know her business.
We are collectively sending a message and not so subtly I might add. I wonder if it is really our intentions to sink that low and why we feel like we have to? I'm not suggesting that we put a penny between our knees when we sit down with our dates or during school. Nor am I talking turtlenecks in July. However, keeping the parts protected for a little while...you'll find...will give you more power than you know. And should you snag the bachelor you've been eyeballing...what a prize he will have waiting for him when you are ready!
Dare to be different! Start the back to basics trend!
Sincerely,
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Back in the saddle again!
So sorry to my readers that I've been gone for so long! Planning and actually following trough with a wedding...MY wedding to be exact is quite taxing. Moving in the man stuff, the man and his little man...even more taxing! It's not that I'm not completely happy and content, it's simply that the euphoria of dreaming about being under the same roof has become a reality and a balancing act of independence and shared space. Another blog subject perhaps??
On the writing front, I am just now getting back into the swing of things and I've missed my clicking keys so much! Really pushing to finish "The Pendant of Promise" a love story for you hopeless romantics, as well as a book of poetry with photography that's been in the making for 4 years. Man how time flies!
On the dating front, which I am no longer a part of...THANK GOD...I see that Match.com has moved to the next level by hosting singles events. Good for them! It may not eliminate the perpetual liar or player, but it should cut down the online stalkers who never leave the glow of their computer screens. It's a step in the right direction I think!
I'll be posting again tomorrow. I just wanted everyone to know I'm alive and well :)
Peace Out
On the writing front, I am just now getting back into the swing of things and I've missed my clicking keys so much! Really pushing to finish "The Pendant of Promise" a love story for you hopeless romantics, as well as a book of poetry with photography that's been in the making for 4 years. Man how time flies!
On the dating front, which I am no longer a part of...THANK GOD...I see that Match.com has moved to the next level by hosting singles events. Good for them! It may not eliminate the perpetual liar or player, but it should cut down the online stalkers who never leave the glow of their computer screens. It's a step in the right direction I think!
I'll be posting again tomorrow. I just wanted everyone to know I'm alive and well :)
Peace Out
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
To drink or not to drink...that is the question.
And the answer is a resounding no!
It's more than customary to move past the online avenue and meet in person for a drink these days, but take that social sip with caution. You really don't know the person past a few casuals email conversations or phone calls and although your intentions may be pure...theirs may not be.
It may seem like meeting at the local watering hole is safe enough, however, having even one drink may do more than just calm those "meeting someone new" nerves. In fact, drinking has the potential to lead to poor decision making skills; ones that might leave you wondering "What was I thinking" or worse yet...your friends wondering "Where is he/she?" I can't tell you how many "I wish I didn't do that" testimonies I've been told during my time as an online dater...and dare I say, I've regretfully said it myself once or twice.
If you really want to see if you've made a love connection, go as your sober self and expect the same from your suitor. Have a cup of Joe, latte or a tea and get to know the real deal you're thinking about dating. People are different when they've had a drink, isn't the objective to get to know each other better? A cup of coffee may seem a bit boring, but you've got plenty of time to kick up your heels and party with your new partner...should they be "the one."
If you can't get your date to respond with a resounding "yes" to the "no drink" request for your first date, then say no thanks and keep searching. Someone who is a serious searcher and moreover, seriously interested in you, would be respectful enough to honor your wishes without making you feel like you've already disappointed them.
When it comes to first dates and drinking...just say no!
Sincerely,
It's more than customary to move past the online avenue and meet in person for a drink these days, but take that social sip with caution. You really don't know the person past a few casuals email conversations or phone calls and although your intentions may be pure...theirs may not be.
It may seem like meeting at the local watering hole is safe enough, however, having even one drink may do more than just calm those "meeting someone new" nerves. In fact, drinking has the potential to lead to poor decision making skills; ones that might leave you wondering "What was I thinking" or worse yet...your friends wondering "Where is he/she?" I can't tell you how many "I wish I didn't do that" testimonies I've been told during my time as an online dater...and dare I say, I've regretfully said it myself once or twice.
If you really want to see if you've made a love connection, go as your sober self and expect the same from your suitor. Have a cup of Joe, latte or a tea and get to know the real deal you're thinking about dating. People are different when they've had a drink, isn't the objective to get to know each other better? A cup of coffee may seem a bit boring, but you've got plenty of time to kick up your heels and party with your new partner...should they be "the one."
If you can't get your date to respond with a resounding "yes" to the "no drink" request for your first date, then say no thanks and keep searching. Someone who is a serious searcher and moreover, seriously interested in you, would be respectful enough to honor your wishes without making you feel like you've already disappointed them.
When it comes to first dates and drinking...just say no!
Sincerely,
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Extreme measures
I received an email last week from a woman who felt a sense of vindication for her actions with online dating, after she read my book. It gave me a sense of pride that I was able to touch her in a healing way and yet a sense of sadness that someone else was caught in the www web...to her demise.
Like so many of us, she met the gentleman on a dating website and proceeded to form, what she thought was a relationship...or at least what she hoped would be one day. She openly admitted that most of the dates included him at her home for drinks and a dance in the sheets. She often times had reservations over his "busy" status and would ask him about his intentions, but he lied just good enough to make her doubt her own intuition. Feeling as though she might be missing something, she made a fake profile and sent him a flirt, to which he responded. Although disgusted with her new findings, she played the game for three days until she couldn't take it anymore and sent him a picture of the "real deal"...her picture on the fake profile. Needless to say, he was apologetic, just long enough to form some spin and spat back at her how horrible SHE was for her trickery.
Some more time passed and with her skepticism in tow she trudged through with a relationship, deep down she knew didn't exist. It was then that she accidentally received an email that was intended for his significant other...his wife! As if the marriage mis-information wasn't enough, she found out she was pregnant. Unsurprisingly, his only concern was that his family didn't find out.
It wasn't long before this Ms. found herself in the back of an ambulance for a burst ectopic pregnancy. With 4 liters of blood in her belly, impending surgery to remove her fallopian tube and to save her life, she held on to the belief that maybe he really cared. Unfortunately, his only concern remained concealing his adultery.
After two months off work and a whole lot of healing, she contacted him. The only thing he had to say for himself, was that he was grateful nobody came to the door throughout this ordeal. Let's just say, the optimism and hopefulness in her heart was smashed beyond recognition...along with her ability to trust.
I spoke with her via email for a bit, when she said to me "I realize this scenario is a bit extreme as far as online dating goes." But the truth is, it isn't extreme at all, the circumstances from the online dating, ie. the ectopic pregnancy might have been extreme, but not the deceit.
All too often, we are willing to forgo our misgivings and intuition to see our fairy-tales come to fruition, but our intuition is often times right on target. One of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is to allow themselves to become what wasn't the intention in the beginning, ie. a sex partner and the like, all with the hopes of a happy ending; and that means ignoring said intuition sometimes.
The moral of the story is simple...trust yourself. The minute you reject the red flags, you are relinquishing your control and are bound to be disappointed in the end. You're doing yourself a huge disservice that could possibly have disastrous consequences. If you aren't in a place where you're content with being alone, you aren't ready to be with someone else. And if you're dismissing the the red flags, you're not content.
I'm happy to report that this Ms. is well on the road to healing and that although it will be a bit before she signs back in, she's forgiven herself and accepted her denial, seeing it as the lesson that it was, rather than the mistake that we often times label it. After reading "I Could Write a Book," she sent this less than gentle man an email detailing her disappointment so she could turn the page and realize that it was okay to close this chapter in HER book.
For this Ms. I say...here's to a NEW read...hang in there!
Sincerely,
Like so many of us, she met the gentleman on a dating website and proceeded to form, what she thought was a relationship...or at least what she hoped would be one day. She openly admitted that most of the dates included him at her home for drinks and a dance in the sheets. She often times had reservations over his "busy" status and would ask him about his intentions, but he lied just good enough to make her doubt her own intuition. Feeling as though she might be missing something, she made a fake profile and sent him a flirt, to which he responded. Although disgusted with her new findings, she played the game for three days until she couldn't take it anymore and sent him a picture of the "real deal"...her picture on the fake profile. Needless to say, he was apologetic, just long enough to form some spin and spat back at her how horrible SHE was for her trickery.
Some more time passed and with her skepticism in tow she trudged through with a relationship, deep down she knew didn't exist. It was then that she accidentally received an email that was intended for his significant other...his wife! As if the marriage mis-information wasn't enough, she found out she was pregnant. Unsurprisingly, his only concern was that his family didn't find out.
It wasn't long before this Ms. found herself in the back of an ambulance for a burst ectopic pregnancy. With 4 liters of blood in her belly, impending surgery to remove her fallopian tube and to save her life, she held on to the belief that maybe he really cared. Unfortunately, his only concern remained concealing his adultery.
After two months off work and a whole lot of healing, she contacted him. The only thing he had to say for himself, was that he was grateful nobody came to the door throughout this ordeal. Let's just say, the optimism and hopefulness in her heart was smashed beyond recognition...along with her ability to trust.
I spoke with her via email for a bit, when she said to me "I realize this scenario is a bit extreme as far as online dating goes." But the truth is, it isn't extreme at all, the circumstances from the online dating, ie. the ectopic pregnancy might have been extreme, but not the deceit.
All too often, we are willing to forgo our misgivings and intuition to see our fairy-tales come to fruition, but our intuition is often times right on target. One of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is to allow themselves to become what wasn't the intention in the beginning, ie. a sex partner and the like, all with the hopes of a happy ending; and that means ignoring said intuition sometimes.
The moral of the story is simple...trust yourself. The minute you reject the red flags, you are relinquishing your control and are bound to be disappointed in the end. You're doing yourself a huge disservice that could possibly have disastrous consequences. If you aren't in a place where you're content with being alone, you aren't ready to be with someone else. And if you're dismissing the the red flags, you're not content.
I'm happy to report that this Ms. is well on the road to healing and that although it will be a bit before she signs back in, she's forgiven herself and accepted her denial, seeing it as the lesson that it was, rather than the mistake that we often times label it. After reading "I Could Write a Book," she sent this less than gentle man an email detailing her disappointment so she could turn the page and realize that it was okay to close this chapter in HER book.
For this Ms. I say...here's to a NEW read...hang in there!
Sincerely,
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Online Dating SOS: Who's behind the BS?
Every so often I catch a Yahoo news article featuring online dating advice for the masses and I want to know...who's behind the BS? No offense, the articles are well articulated and to someone who's new to online dating or just thinking about the possibility of it, I'm sure it sounds like...well sound advice. (No pun intended). But I'm beginning to think the writer hasn't been exposed to the www woes of a serious searcher and is merely spewing his/her "in a perfect world" opinion.
The titles are usually aimed at women, and tout their "how to" on behavior, dress, body language and the like. Honestly, the only thing you need to know about online dating is that it's daunting...at best. So daunting, in fact, that I've recently published a book about it. "I Could Write a Book: So I thought I'd try online dating LOL," which incidentally, can be found on Amazon.com in both a printed and Kindle version. (Shameless plug).
This isn't to suggest that online dating never works, it does. However, if you're going to take a drive through that particular form of dating...which is thee twenty-first century form of dating...you better be wearing more than just a seat-belt. I drove that road for 3+ years and while I'm happy to say I'm engaged to be married this June, it was a bumpy ride at best. Of course, if I told you how I met my "Mr. Right" it might ruin the last chapter of my book, but let's just say it's a hopeful ending.
Back to the point of this particular blog post. Don't waste the five minutes it will take you to get through the Yahoo yellow brick road on dating advice, it doesn't apply trust me. Be true to yourself, is the soundest advice you'll get, along with know who you are! In other words, don't be so distressed about your single status that you're willing to attempt to shove your round personality into his square ideals...look outside the box! Know who you are is not a vague statement and requires much introspection if you're ever going to figure it out, especially if you're coming from a long term union of sorts. These are the precursors to all possibilities for online/offline or true blue love.
I will be using this blog primarily for questions and answers about the real twenty-first century relationship world and to post stories I receive via email. Sometimes they are horror stories, but those only make us realize that we're human and we all have them. Other times they will be "match" stories to give you hope through the mayhem online dating can often times become.
There will certainly be times when I occasionally veer off course; another plug of a new book, a book signing venue, a political gripe or society gaff that I feel the need to hold a written grudge against. But ultimately, I'd like this to be a place where the conned can congregate and the hopefuls can hover for a real "how to" answer to the many questions people often have on this particular subject.
Please feel free to email me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com or leave a comment. Until we meet again...happy dating!!!
Sincerely,
The titles are usually aimed at women, and tout their "how to" on behavior, dress, body language and the like. Honestly, the only thing you need to know about online dating is that it's daunting...at best. So daunting, in fact, that I've recently published a book about it. "I Could Write a Book: So I thought I'd try online dating LOL," which incidentally, can be found on Amazon.com in both a printed and Kindle version. (Shameless plug).
This isn't to suggest that online dating never works, it does. However, if you're going to take a drive through that particular form of dating...which is thee twenty-first century form of dating...you better be wearing more than just a seat-belt. I drove that road for 3+ years and while I'm happy to say I'm engaged to be married this June, it was a bumpy ride at best. Of course, if I told you how I met my "Mr. Right" it might ruin the last chapter of my book, but let's just say it's a hopeful ending.
Back to the point of this particular blog post. Don't waste the five minutes it will take you to get through the Yahoo yellow brick road on dating advice, it doesn't apply trust me. Be true to yourself, is the soundest advice you'll get, along with know who you are! In other words, don't be so distressed about your single status that you're willing to attempt to shove your round personality into his square ideals...look outside the box! Know who you are is not a vague statement and requires much introspection if you're ever going to figure it out, especially if you're coming from a long term union of sorts. These are the precursors to all possibilities for online/offline or true blue love.
I will be using this blog primarily for questions and answers about the real twenty-first century relationship world and to post stories I receive via email. Sometimes they are horror stories, but those only make us realize that we're human and we all have them. Other times they will be "match" stories to give you hope through the mayhem online dating can often times become.
There will certainly be times when I occasionally veer off course; another plug of a new book, a book signing venue, a political gripe or society gaff that I feel the need to hold a written grudge against. But ultimately, I'd like this to be a place where the conned can congregate and the hopefuls can hover for a real "how to" answer to the many questions people often have on this particular subject.
Please feel free to email me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com or leave a comment. Until we meet again...happy dating!!!
Sincerely,
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Just a quick note
I've been so busy touting my book, but haven't left any links. If you would like to order my book, but are not from the U.S., go to the appropriate Amazon site for your country and type in my name: Karen Blaisdell. The book is available worldwide in Kindle version only.
If you are from Canada or the U.S. you also have the ability to purchase the book in printed format or Kindle at:
Printed Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-online/dp/0615586740/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-1
Kindle Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-ebook/dp/B0077TGTE8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-2
If you are not already a fan on Facebook, you can find me at Karen M. Blaisdell (author) or
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Karen-M-Blaisdell/338752746136334
I will be having book signings in the Shelby Township, Sterling Heights Michigan areas with more dates and venues to come.
Club54 February 25th (Plenty of Fish party) 9pm
37722 Van Dyke Ave
Sterling Heights, MI 48312
Mr. B's (Shelby Township) March 31st 7pm
48550 Van Dyke Avenue
Shelby Township, MI 48317
Jamboozie's (Speed dating event) April 28th 6:30pm
42066 Van Dyke Avenue
Sterling Heights, MI 48314
I am hoping to add venues to Royal Oak, MI and Ann Arbor, MI this Spring as well. If you would like to have me come out to a book signing in your area, you can reach me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com
If you have been browsing my blog, please feel free to become a follower, I would love to have you!
Sincerely,
If you are from Canada or the U.S. you also have the ability to purchase the book in printed format or Kindle at:
Printed Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-online/dp/0615586740/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-1
Kindle Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-ebook/dp/B0077TGTE8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-2
If you are not already a fan on Facebook, you can find me at Karen M. Blaisdell (author) or
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Karen-M-Blaisdell/338752746136334
I will be having book signings in the Shelby Township, Sterling Heights Michigan areas with more dates and venues to come.
Club54 February 25th (Plenty of Fish party) 9pm
37722 Van Dyke Ave
Sterling Heights, MI 48312
Mr. B's (Shelby Township) March 31st 7pm
48550 Van Dyke Avenue
Shelby Township, MI 48317
Jamboozie's (Speed dating event) April 28th 6:30pm
42066 Van Dyke Avenue
Sterling Heights, MI 48314
I am hoping to add venues to Royal Oak, MI and Ann Arbor, MI this Spring as well. If you would like to have me come out to a book signing in your area, you can reach me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com
If you have been browsing my blog, please feel free to become a follower, I would love to have you!
Sincerely,
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