And the answer is a resounding no!
It's more than customary to move past the online avenue and meet in person for a drink these days, but take that social sip with caution. You really don't know the person past a few casuals email conversations or phone calls and although your intentions may be pure...theirs may not be.
It may seem like meeting at the local watering hole is safe enough, however, having even one drink may do more than just calm those "meeting someone new" nerves. In fact, drinking has the potential to lead to poor decision making skills; ones that might leave you wondering "What was I thinking" or worse yet...your friends wondering "Where is he/she?" I can't tell you how many "I wish I didn't do that" testimonies I've been told during my time as an online dater...and dare I say, I've regretfully said it myself once or twice.
If you really want to see if you've made a love connection, go as your sober self and expect the same from your suitor. Have a cup of Joe, latte or a tea and get to know the real deal you're thinking about dating. People are different when they've had a drink, isn't the objective to get to know each other better? A cup of coffee may seem a bit boring, but you've got plenty of time to kick up your heels and party with your new partner...should they be "the one."
If you can't get your date to respond with a resounding "yes" to the "no drink" request for your first date, then say no thanks and keep searching. Someone who is a serious searcher and moreover, seriously interested in you, would be respectful enough to honor your wishes without making you feel like you've already disappointed them.
When it comes to first dates and drinking...just say no!
Sincerely,
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Extreme measures
I received an email last week from a woman who felt a sense of vindication for her actions with online dating, after she read my book. It gave me a sense of pride that I was able to touch her in a healing way and yet a sense of sadness that someone else was caught in the www web...to her demise.
Like so many of us, she met the gentleman on a dating website and proceeded to form, what she thought was a relationship...or at least what she hoped would be one day. She openly admitted that most of the dates included him at her home for drinks and a dance in the sheets. She often times had reservations over his "busy" status and would ask him about his intentions, but he lied just good enough to make her doubt her own intuition. Feeling as though she might be missing something, she made a fake profile and sent him a flirt, to which he responded. Although disgusted with her new findings, she played the game for three days until she couldn't take it anymore and sent him a picture of the "real deal"...her picture on the fake profile. Needless to say, he was apologetic, just long enough to form some spin and spat back at her how horrible SHE was for her trickery.
Some more time passed and with her skepticism in tow she trudged through with a relationship, deep down she knew didn't exist. It was then that she accidentally received an email that was intended for his significant other...his wife! As if the marriage mis-information wasn't enough, she found out she was pregnant. Unsurprisingly, his only concern was that his family didn't find out.
It wasn't long before this Ms. found herself in the back of an ambulance for a burst ectopic pregnancy. With 4 liters of blood in her belly, impending surgery to remove her fallopian tube and to save her life, she held on to the belief that maybe he really cared. Unfortunately, his only concern remained concealing his adultery.
After two months off work and a whole lot of healing, she contacted him. The only thing he had to say for himself, was that he was grateful nobody came to the door throughout this ordeal. Let's just say, the optimism and hopefulness in her heart was smashed beyond recognition...along with her ability to trust.
I spoke with her via email for a bit, when she said to me "I realize this scenario is a bit extreme as far as online dating goes." But the truth is, it isn't extreme at all, the circumstances from the online dating, ie. the ectopic pregnancy might have been extreme, but not the deceit.
All too often, we are willing to forgo our misgivings and intuition to see our fairy-tales come to fruition, but our intuition is often times right on target. One of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is to allow themselves to become what wasn't the intention in the beginning, ie. a sex partner and the like, all with the hopes of a happy ending; and that means ignoring said intuition sometimes.
The moral of the story is simple...trust yourself. The minute you reject the red flags, you are relinquishing your control and are bound to be disappointed in the end. You're doing yourself a huge disservice that could possibly have disastrous consequences. If you aren't in a place where you're content with being alone, you aren't ready to be with someone else. And if you're dismissing the the red flags, you're not content.
I'm happy to report that this Ms. is well on the road to healing and that although it will be a bit before she signs back in, she's forgiven herself and accepted her denial, seeing it as the lesson that it was, rather than the mistake that we often times label it. After reading "I Could Write a Book," she sent this less than gentle man an email detailing her disappointment so she could turn the page and realize that it was okay to close this chapter in HER book.
For this Ms. I say...here's to a NEW read...hang in there!
Sincerely,
Like so many of us, she met the gentleman on a dating website and proceeded to form, what she thought was a relationship...or at least what she hoped would be one day. She openly admitted that most of the dates included him at her home for drinks and a dance in the sheets. She often times had reservations over his "busy" status and would ask him about his intentions, but he lied just good enough to make her doubt her own intuition. Feeling as though she might be missing something, she made a fake profile and sent him a flirt, to which he responded. Although disgusted with her new findings, she played the game for three days until she couldn't take it anymore and sent him a picture of the "real deal"...her picture on the fake profile. Needless to say, he was apologetic, just long enough to form some spin and spat back at her how horrible SHE was for her trickery.
Some more time passed and with her skepticism in tow she trudged through with a relationship, deep down she knew didn't exist. It was then that she accidentally received an email that was intended for his significant other...his wife! As if the marriage mis-information wasn't enough, she found out she was pregnant. Unsurprisingly, his only concern was that his family didn't find out.
It wasn't long before this Ms. found herself in the back of an ambulance for a burst ectopic pregnancy. With 4 liters of blood in her belly, impending surgery to remove her fallopian tube and to save her life, she held on to the belief that maybe he really cared. Unfortunately, his only concern remained concealing his adultery.
After two months off work and a whole lot of healing, she contacted him. The only thing he had to say for himself, was that he was grateful nobody came to the door throughout this ordeal. Let's just say, the optimism and hopefulness in her heart was smashed beyond recognition...along with her ability to trust.
I spoke with her via email for a bit, when she said to me "I realize this scenario is a bit extreme as far as online dating goes." But the truth is, it isn't extreme at all, the circumstances from the online dating, ie. the ectopic pregnancy might have been extreme, but not the deceit.
All too often, we are willing to forgo our misgivings and intuition to see our fairy-tales come to fruition, but our intuition is often times right on target. One of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is to allow themselves to become what wasn't the intention in the beginning, ie. a sex partner and the like, all with the hopes of a happy ending; and that means ignoring said intuition sometimes.
The moral of the story is simple...trust yourself. The minute you reject the red flags, you are relinquishing your control and are bound to be disappointed in the end. You're doing yourself a huge disservice that could possibly have disastrous consequences. If you aren't in a place where you're content with being alone, you aren't ready to be with someone else. And if you're dismissing the the red flags, you're not content.
I'm happy to report that this Ms. is well on the road to healing and that although it will be a bit before she signs back in, she's forgiven herself and accepted her denial, seeing it as the lesson that it was, rather than the mistake that we often times label it. After reading "I Could Write a Book," she sent this less than gentle man an email detailing her disappointment so she could turn the page and realize that it was okay to close this chapter in HER book.
For this Ms. I say...here's to a NEW read...hang in there!
Sincerely,
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Online Dating SOS: Who's behind the BS?
Every so often I catch a Yahoo news article featuring online dating advice for the masses and I want to know...who's behind the BS? No offense, the articles are well articulated and to someone who's new to online dating or just thinking about the possibility of it, I'm sure it sounds like...well sound advice. (No pun intended). But I'm beginning to think the writer hasn't been exposed to the www woes of a serious searcher and is merely spewing his/her "in a perfect world" opinion.
The titles are usually aimed at women, and tout their "how to" on behavior, dress, body language and the like. Honestly, the only thing you need to know about online dating is that it's daunting...at best. So daunting, in fact, that I've recently published a book about it. "I Could Write a Book: So I thought I'd try online dating LOL," which incidentally, can be found on Amazon.com in both a printed and Kindle version. (Shameless plug).
This isn't to suggest that online dating never works, it does. However, if you're going to take a drive through that particular form of dating...which is thee twenty-first century form of dating...you better be wearing more than just a seat-belt. I drove that road for 3+ years and while I'm happy to say I'm engaged to be married this June, it was a bumpy ride at best. Of course, if I told you how I met my "Mr. Right" it might ruin the last chapter of my book, but let's just say it's a hopeful ending.
Back to the point of this particular blog post. Don't waste the five minutes it will take you to get through the Yahoo yellow brick road on dating advice, it doesn't apply trust me. Be true to yourself, is the soundest advice you'll get, along with know who you are! In other words, don't be so distressed about your single status that you're willing to attempt to shove your round personality into his square ideals...look outside the box! Know who you are is not a vague statement and requires much introspection if you're ever going to figure it out, especially if you're coming from a long term union of sorts. These are the precursors to all possibilities for online/offline or true blue love.
I will be using this blog primarily for questions and answers about the real twenty-first century relationship world and to post stories I receive via email. Sometimes they are horror stories, but those only make us realize that we're human and we all have them. Other times they will be "match" stories to give you hope through the mayhem online dating can often times become.
There will certainly be times when I occasionally veer off course; another plug of a new book, a book signing venue, a political gripe or society gaff that I feel the need to hold a written grudge against. But ultimately, I'd like this to be a place where the conned can congregate and the hopefuls can hover for a real "how to" answer to the many questions people often have on this particular subject.
Please feel free to email me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com or leave a comment. Until we meet again...happy dating!!!
Sincerely,
The titles are usually aimed at women, and tout their "how to" on behavior, dress, body language and the like. Honestly, the only thing you need to know about online dating is that it's daunting...at best. So daunting, in fact, that I've recently published a book about it. "I Could Write a Book: So I thought I'd try online dating LOL," which incidentally, can be found on Amazon.com in both a printed and Kindle version. (Shameless plug).
This isn't to suggest that online dating never works, it does. However, if you're going to take a drive through that particular form of dating...which is thee twenty-first century form of dating...you better be wearing more than just a seat-belt. I drove that road for 3+ years and while I'm happy to say I'm engaged to be married this June, it was a bumpy ride at best. Of course, if I told you how I met my "Mr. Right" it might ruin the last chapter of my book, but let's just say it's a hopeful ending.
Back to the point of this particular blog post. Don't waste the five minutes it will take you to get through the Yahoo yellow brick road on dating advice, it doesn't apply trust me. Be true to yourself, is the soundest advice you'll get, along with know who you are! In other words, don't be so distressed about your single status that you're willing to attempt to shove your round personality into his square ideals...look outside the box! Know who you are is not a vague statement and requires much introspection if you're ever going to figure it out, especially if you're coming from a long term union of sorts. These are the precursors to all possibilities for online/offline or true blue love.
I will be using this blog primarily for questions and answers about the real twenty-first century relationship world and to post stories I receive via email. Sometimes they are horror stories, but those only make us realize that we're human and we all have them. Other times they will be "match" stories to give you hope through the mayhem online dating can often times become.
There will certainly be times when I occasionally veer off course; another plug of a new book, a book signing venue, a political gripe or society gaff that I feel the need to hold a written grudge against. But ultimately, I'd like this to be a place where the conned can congregate and the hopefuls can hover for a real "how to" answer to the many questions people often have on this particular subject.
Please feel free to email me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com or leave a comment. Until we meet again...happy dating!!!
Sincerely,
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Just a quick note
I've been so busy touting my book, but haven't left any links. If you would like to order my book, but are not from the U.S., go to the appropriate Amazon site for your country and type in my name: Karen Blaisdell. The book is available worldwide in Kindle version only.
If you are from Canada or the U.S. you also have the ability to purchase the book in printed format or Kindle at:
Printed Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-online/dp/0615586740/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-1
Kindle Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-ebook/dp/B0077TGTE8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-2
If you are not already a fan on Facebook, you can find me at Karen M. Blaisdell (author) or
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Karen-M-Blaisdell/338752746136334
I will be having book signings in the Shelby Township, Sterling Heights Michigan areas with more dates and venues to come.
Club54 February 25th (Plenty of Fish party) 9pm
37722 Van Dyke Ave
Sterling Heights, MI 48312
Mr. B's (Shelby Township) March 31st 7pm
48550 Van Dyke Avenue
Shelby Township, MI 48317
Jamboozie's (Speed dating event) April 28th 6:30pm
42066 Van Dyke Avenue
Sterling Heights, MI 48314
I am hoping to add venues to Royal Oak, MI and Ann Arbor, MI this Spring as well. If you would like to have me come out to a book signing in your area, you can reach me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com
If you have been browsing my blog, please feel free to become a follower, I would love to have you!
Sincerely,
If you are from Canada or the U.S. you also have the ability to purchase the book in printed format or Kindle at:
Printed Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-online/dp/0615586740/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-1
Kindle Version
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Write-Book-thought-ebook/dp/B0077TGTE8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1329281444&sr=8-2
If you are not already a fan on Facebook, you can find me at Karen M. Blaisdell (author) or
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Karen-M-Blaisdell/338752746136334
I will be having book signings in the Shelby Township, Sterling Heights Michigan areas with more dates and venues to come.
Club54 February 25th (Plenty of Fish party) 9pm
37722 Van Dyke Ave
Sterling Heights, MI 48312
Mr. B's (Shelby Township) March 31st 7pm
48550 Van Dyke Avenue
Shelby Township, MI 48317
Jamboozie's (Speed dating event) April 28th 6:30pm
42066 Van Dyke Avenue
Sterling Heights, MI 48314
I am hoping to add venues to Royal Oak, MI and Ann Arbor, MI this Spring as well. If you would like to have me come out to a book signing in your area, you can reach me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com
If you have been browsing my blog, please feel free to become a follower, I would love to have you!
Sincerely,
Everybody needs a little love
Just a quick catch you up on what's going on with my book. Sales are slow but steady, pretty much what I expected from a no name...me :) I do believe, whether slow or fast, it will eventually reach my target audience and do well.
I've been very encouraged by the emails I have received about the book from daters who feel dissed. It is bringing hope and a renewed sense of self, which to me is worth more than a race to see how many royalties I can collect. I've always loved helping people, from massage therapy to writing a quote that is well received or needed at that moment by someone.
This is why, when I received a recent email requesting I think about reaching out in a more tangible way ie. a question/answer column I gave it some serious thought. I have decided that I will utilize this blog on Friday's for online dating debacles. You can contact me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com and I will anonymously post your question and my answer. There are a lot of things I have yet to learn in life, but I feel very confident in this category to answer questions from that chaotic world.
I will also take your stories, if you care to leave one. It could be uplifting, about how you met your mate online or your latest horror mishap. I believe even those have the ability to transform the way people view their online circumstances.
On a side note. Happy Valentines Day. Whatever you do, don't let ONE day send you into a depression over your single status. Instead, remember those in your life that give you love on a daily basis, even if it's your dog. A day does not a relationship make, it's all of the days that come before and after this Hallmark Holiday that really matter. So go buy yourself a piece of chocolate...because you can, then wish someone in your life: a child, father, mother, sister, brother or friend a Happy Valentines Day. It will make you feel good. Get on with your day because guess what...that's all it is...just another day.
Sincerely,
I've been very encouraged by the emails I have received about the book from daters who feel dissed. It is bringing hope and a renewed sense of self, which to me is worth more than a race to see how many royalties I can collect. I've always loved helping people, from massage therapy to writing a quote that is well received or needed at that moment by someone.
This is why, when I received a recent email requesting I think about reaching out in a more tangible way ie. a question/answer column I gave it some serious thought. I have decided that I will utilize this blog on Friday's for online dating debacles. You can contact me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com and I will anonymously post your question and my answer. There are a lot of things I have yet to learn in life, but I feel very confident in this category to answer questions from that chaotic world.
I will also take your stories, if you care to leave one. It could be uplifting, about how you met your mate online or your latest horror mishap. I believe even those have the ability to transform the way people view their online circumstances.
On a side note. Happy Valentines Day. Whatever you do, don't let ONE day send you into a depression over your single status. Instead, remember those in your life that give you love on a daily basis, even if it's your dog. A day does not a relationship make, it's all of the days that come before and after this Hallmark Holiday that really matter. So go buy yourself a piece of chocolate...because you can, then wish someone in your life: a child, father, mother, sister, brother or friend a Happy Valentines Day. It will make you feel good. Get on with your day because guess what...that's all it is...just another day.
Sincerely,
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Extra Extra Read All About It!
So the article in The Macomb Daily came out today and Maryanne did me proud! It's so surreal to see a picture of yourself in the paper, even if it's a local paper. It's also a bit embarrassing to read about about some of my online escapades in the newspaper. What makes the newspaper any different than the book? There's much more embarrassing stories in the book...so what gives? Maybe it's just something you have to get used to...someone printing an article about you that is.
Article Link:
http://www.macombdaily.com/articles/2012/02/12/lifestyles/srv0000019699525.txt
I had my first book signing last night, which all in all was a great success. It would have been better had I actually had more than 5 copies on hand, but I'll be back there in two weeks with said copies. Everyone was very receptive and the owner of Club 54 was gracious and even bought a book! The hostess of the online dating bash was equally warm...I can see why she's the hostess.
All of that being said, last night was a stark reminder of why I am relieved that I'm getting married and off the dating scene. It also solidified for me just how lucky and blessed I am to have met the man I did. Funny how much more obvious the game players are when you aren't playing the game. There was a perfectly nice gentleman seriously searching who was captivated by an attractive 50 something female sitting in the corner with her female wing-woman. He didn't have enough confidence to approach her, so I did. "Oh honey, I only date 30 year olds" she told me. Now I have to be honest, getting up close I couldn't help but think to myself, "really?" I for one, don't know any thirty somethings that WOULD date her, but whatever. I bluntly asked her, "So you're just playing the field and not looking for anything serious?" "That's right" she spatted with pride. Made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
This was a "dating" party. It was meant for people to find someone. They have websites for sex, which is where these wayward souls belong until they get their shit together. Leave the serious searchers alone already!
Then there was Patti. Lovely seventy year old woman who was happily married to her soul-mate for thirty-two years, but sadly she lost him a few years back. She was a Christian woman, Catholic to be more specific, and had even tried Christian online dating sites. I must admit I wasn't too terribly surprised by her disgusted description of that site. "It was even worse than the rest of the sites I had tried." Why is finding someone so difficult? It's hard to believe that a seventy something would run in to non-serious-searchers at her age, but as I said in my book...age and gender bare no discrepancies in the online dating arena.
Patti left me with a beautiful scapula that had been blessed, and I felt blessed for the gift and for having an opportunity to meet Patti. Senior Match Making Service in the near future...possibly!
To any and all seriously searching...to every storm there is a sunrise, you just have to stand in the rain long enough to see the clouds part...and they will...eventually.
Sincerely,
Article Link:
http://www.macombdaily.com/articles/2012/02/12/lifestyles/srv0000019699525.txt
I had my first book signing last night, which all in all was a great success. It would have been better had I actually had more than 5 copies on hand, but I'll be back there in two weeks with said copies. Everyone was very receptive and the owner of Club 54 was gracious and even bought a book! The hostess of the online dating bash was equally warm...I can see why she's the hostess.
All of that being said, last night was a stark reminder of why I am relieved that I'm getting married and off the dating scene. It also solidified for me just how lucky and blessed I am to have met the man I did. Funny how much more obvious the game players are when you aren't playing the game. There was a perfectly nice gentleman seriously searching who was captivated by an attractive 50 something female sitting in the corner with her female wing-woman. He didn't have enough confidence to approach her, so I did. "Oh honey, I only date 30 year olds" she told me. Now I have to be honest, getting up close I couldn't help but think to myself, "really?" I for one, don't know any thirty somethings that WOULD date her, but whatever. I bluntly asked her, "So you're just playing the field and not looking for anything serious?" "That's right" she spatted with pride. Made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
This was a "dating" party. It was meant for people to find someone. They have websites for sex, which is where these wayward souls belong until they get their shit together. Leave the serious searchers alone already!
Then there was Patti. Lovely seventy year old woman who was happily married to her soul-mate for thirty-two years, but sadly she lost him a few years back. She was a Christian woman, Catholic to be more specific, and had even tried Christian online dating sites. I must admit I wasn't too terribly surprised by her disgusted description of that site. "It was even worse than the rest of the sites I had tried." Why is finding someone so difficult? It's hard to believe that a seventy something would run in to non-serious-searchers at her age, but as I said in my book...age and gender bare no discrepancies in the online dating arena.
Patti left me with a beautiful scapula that had been blessed, and I felt blessed for the gift and for having an opportunity to meet Patti. Senior Match Making Service in the near future...possibly!
To any and all seriously searching...to every storm there is a sunrise, you just have to stand in the rain long enough to see the clouds part...and they will...eventually.
Sincerely,
Saturday, February 11, 2012
I've always wanted to write a book...
I can't count on both hands and feet how many times I've heard that in the past month. I'm certainly no expert, but apparently once you've published a book...even a self-pubbed book, people want the magic answer HOW.
Truth is, I spent ample time...months upon months...studying, googling, inquiring that very same question before I was anywhere close to finishing my first book. I'm here to tell you, expert or not, STOP! It burdens the mind with a process that until you have all of your thoughts down on paper, are rather useless. It's not that informing yourself isn't necessary...it is, but the manuscript must exist before you need to know the in's and out's of publishing.
I was once told by one of my English Professors to take off my editors hat and just get it on paper. I found that to be extremely difficult! So difficult, in fact, that I wrote and rewrote the first seven chapters of my book more times than I care to remember. I would open up the files and re-read them every time I sat down to write, inevitably finding mistakes or wanting to re-word. I'm still not completely over my addiction to "get it right" the first time around.
Trust me when I tell you, you will not get it right the first time around or the twentieth time around and taking a break from any particular chapter breaths new life into it when you open it later...much later! Get it out of your brain and onto paper, THEN worry about the periods and paragraphs. I don't mean to preach to the choir, I know it's difficult...just buckle down and do it!
As far as proofreading, editing, formatting, typesetting, cover, publishing, marketing. Leave it at the door until you have your first rough draft complete, then you can start to gear up to google the answers. You'll be much further ahead if you do this, although if you're anything like me...a.d.d. when it comes to writing...you'll veer off every once in a while and look anyway, just try not to stay too long.
If you've always wanted to write a book...write it! There's nothing stopping us now with easy access to self-publishing. Whether it's for posterity, self-satisfaction or you're shooting for the NYT Bestseller List...the only way to get it done is to start writing...so stop reading this and other articles about how to write a book and get to work!
Sincerely,
Truth is, I spent ample time...months upon months...studying, googling, inquiring that very same question before I was anywhere close to finishing my first book. I'm here to tell you, expert or not, STOP! It burdens the mind with a process that until you have all of your thoughts down on paper, are rather useless. It's not that informing yourself isn't necessary...it is, but the manuscript must exist before you need to know the in's and out's of publishing.
I was once told by one of my English Professors to take off my editors hat and just get it on paper. I found that to be extremely difficult! So difficult, in fact, that I wrote and rewrote the first seven chapters of my book more times than I care to remember. I would open up the files and re-read them every time I sat down to write, inevitably finding mistakes or wanting to re-word. I'm still not completely over my addiction to "get it right" the first time around.
Trust me when I tell you, you will not get it right the first time around or the twentieth time around and taking a break from any particular chapter breaths new life into it when you open it later...much later! Get it out of your brain and onto paper, THEN worry about the periods and paragraphs. I don't mean to preach to the choir, I know it's difficult...just buckle down and do it!
As far as proofreading, editing, formatting, typesetting, cover, publishing, marketing. Leave it at the door until you have your first rough draft complete, then you can start to gear up to google the answers. You'll be much further ahead if you do this, although if you're anything like me...a.d.d. when it comes to writing...you'll veer off every once in a while and look anyway, just try not to stay too long.
If you've always wanted to write a book...write it! There's nothing stopping us now with easy access to self-publishing. Whether it's for posterity, self-satisfaction or you're shooting for the NYT Bestseller List...the only way to get it done is to start writing...so stop reading this and other articles about how to write a book and get to work!
Sincerely,
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