The Divided States of America

For far too long now we have been subjected to ad after ad depicting our two choices for president as evil or eloquent.  We have been asked to fight against each other, brother against brother...sister against sister all in the hopes of dividing the nation.  I am disheartened that it’s working.

I am a Christian, Conservative woman.  I don’t believe in abortion, redistribution of money or big government.  I believe that Christianity is under attack in our country, too many people are without jobs and on welfare and the state of our union is an utter mess.  I don’t believe that Obama created the entire mess, but I don’t believe his policies have helped us dig our way out of a recession that the economists keep telling us we aren’t in anymore.  Have you seen the cost of food?  Gas?  Clothes?  Did you get that pay increase this year? Last? The year before?

I tell you these things about me not to initiate a spark in the long political fuse that’s just waiting to explode;  rather to make a point with as little bias as humanely possible, but made with honesty.
This election is far bigger than lost or gained jobs, greater than the amount of people on government assistance of any and all kinds, larger than the Christians versus the Atheists’ or the Muslims versus the Christians.   It’s bigger than pro-choice or pro-life, far larger than the right to free contraceptives, greater than incomes and illegal immigrants, taxes and loop holes, middle class and minorities, Wall Street and Union big wigs.  Indeed ladies and gentlemen, my fellow Americans, Patriots, neighbors and friends...this election is about the integrity of Our United States.  Ours...yours and mine, his and hers, all of ours!

Often over the last four years, regardless of which “side” you’re on, you’ve been subjected to the word “Socialism.”  Does anyone really know what it means?  Webster’s Dictionary defines Socialism as:
1:  any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

To be fair, President Obama has clearly never called himself a socialist, so perhaps screaming socialism could be considered a scare tactic by the Right; instead, I will state that his policies of tax and redistribution are very reminiscent of socialism.  Currently, our nation is a Capitalistic nation.  Webster’s Dictionary defines Capitalism as the following:

1 : an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined mainly by competition in a free market

So I ask you...are you a Socialist or a Capitalist?  This question is fundamental because I don’t believe everyone fully understands what their vote may mean come November.  I’m afraid that people will vote party lines or over small ideological ideas instead of the bigger picture and once your bet is placed and the dice is thrown it’s a done deal.

While 47% of the country may not pay taxes and 46 million people may be on food stamps, I have a hard time believing that most of those people wouldn’t want to prosper.  I’m sure there are some that have an entitlement mentality and enjoy the system. However, I believe there are many more that have humility on the system and are only waiting for a break to get out.  Do you want an opportunity to do better, make more, live larger?  Or do you want someone to dictate to you how your life needs to be lived?  Just look at New York and Mayor Bloomberg.  He has banned large soda and is currently locking up baby formula to force mothers to nurse. Do you still believe in the American dream?  Did you ever believe?  Or are you too envious of those that have already achieved, wanting theirs instead because it’s easier?

There is a difference between equality and equally poor.  Everyone worries about the middle class, but with socialism...there are no classes. You may look at the things that government controls right now and think to yourself...it doesn’t affect me.  But what happens when it does?  What happens when the decision has been made and you no longer have a voice?  What happens when the government gets so big that your ideology gets lost in the new rules?  Who will you scream to when it’s against your will?  What affects others will eventually affect us all in one way or another.

As Americans, we are at an impasse.  Which road do we travel?  The road of uncertainty beyond what we’ve seen overseas?  Or do we travel the road that has been paved for us so many years ago?  Have we forgotten those men that laid down their lives in pajamas and untied boots to secure our freedom?  Are we going to ignore the men and women today that carry on the fight to keep our original and amazing nation intact.  Are we so willing to let it go, forgetting those that have already done that deed and sacrificed so much?

We once declared independence from an over-taxing, unfair and larger than life King.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.”
 
 There are no more continents to try again.  We must stay true to our founding.  Indeed my fellow Americans we must set aside our differences for the sake of our country.  This election is not a vote for any man.  It isn’t a vote to save abortion or a vote to demolish it.  It isn’t a vote to create more jobs or keep Medicare intact.  It isn’t whether the Unions will keep their bargaining rights or whether we become Right to Work states.  It isn’t Republicans against Democrats or Liberals, Right or Left wing conspiracies or who landed the best commercial spot this week.  I’m not suggesting some of these things are not important or that we shouldn’t be concerned about their outcomes.  I am merely suggesting there is something bigger to be considered first.

Because if we fail to recognize it...if we choose to turn our heads and hope it doesn't happen...all of those other things won’t matter.  This is a vote for the foundation of our country.  It's a vote for your voice and mine.  Vote your conscience not your conviction to any particular party.

Sincerely,

Back to Basics: Button up

There was a time when, as women, we respected ourselves enough not to give our goods away for the promise of a go to buddy when we felt lonely.  Now a days it's all about the act of making love, but the truth is, it isn't love or even like for that matter. Our morality is crashing down around us and we are the decay in the foundation of said morality.  I suppose if we don't care about our own reputations, at the very least we should care about our daughters.  We are inadvertently dragging them down to the depths of dismal self-respect with us as we partake in the forbidden fruit...friends with benefits and the like.

As a woman who did the online dating thing for four years and wrote a book about it the subject no longer shocks me, but it does sadden me.  If even as adults we don't know better...how do we expect our children to?  If we don't have the capacity to claim respect for ourselves, we certainly won't be teaching them how to.

Sex is a big deal and it needs to be treated as such; not just by our teenagers, but by ourselves.  We need to talk to our children!  Step up and stop waiting for someone else to do it...someone else isn't vested in your children...but you should be!  Why are we letting our kids make these kinds of monumental decisions for themselves?  We give them the tools to take advantage of sexual situations by allowing them to go to their rooms with the opposite sex, stay out till all hours of the night and not tell us where they're going.  We need numbers, destination addresses and parental partnerships where you actually know the name and have met your daughter or sons friends mother/father.

Sex has always been a lure from one generation to the next be it from peer pressure or merely curiosity, but you don't have to make it so easy to achieve for them.  We just need to slow our days down, pay attention, talk and realize that respect doesn't change from one generation to the next...at least it shouldn't!  It's okay to go against the grain of the "toleration" generation and just say no!

Realize that what you do in your own life, especially if you are divorced and dating does have an affect on the way your child experiences the world and what they will deem as acceptable behavior.  You don't have to have sex to snag someone special, in fact, if you wait it turns out to be much more rewarding and honest in the end...I speak from experience.  It may seem condescending to give a reminder to adults that should have and may have been given this same reminder years ago, but it's warranted because we've forgotten.  Even as adults, we seem to be confused about our roles in the world so I'm here to tell you it's still okay to say no!  I realize we live in a quick gratification society, but I promise you  there is nothing gratifying about being used.  Besides, sex and quick should never be used in the same sentence...just sayin.

Let's get back to basics for ourselves and our children.  Being able to admit that you've been doing it wrong and demanding respect for yourself rather than a one-night stand is what makes you an adult and being able to demand it from and for your children is what makes you an exceptional parent.

Be part of the back to  basics trend and button up!

Sincerely,

Back to basics

Somewhere a long the lines women lost sight of dress code etiquette when trying to entice the male species.  Sadly, today it starts at a much younger age.  I haven't decided if that's because the divorce rate is so high and so many of us middle agers are out there dressed to kill...your reputation that is.

There is an inappropriateness to our dating dress code and we've seemed to have made it a trend.  Not always by dressing that way ourselves.  Sometimes it's simply by allowing our daughters to dress that way.  Are they imitating us?  Or are we imitating them?  Either way it's the wrong message!

What ever happened to "leave a little to the imagination," or "why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?"  Yes they are old fashioned, but sometimes old fashioned is a good thing!  For instance grandmas chicken soup for that common cold.  We need to get back to the basics again both in our own wardrobe and those we are passing our feminine torches to...our daughters.

There is nothing more unappealing than a forty-something (keep in mind I'm a forty-something) sitting at a bar with her boobs on display.  It wreaks of desperation ladies.  Now before someone goes postal on me for my views...know that I always speak from experience...in other words...there was a time when it was my boobs at the bar.

There is equally nothing more unappealing than the 15 year old dressed for homecoming in a skirt short enough to display her...eh em...daisy.  For God sake...if she bends over the whole world will know her business. 

We are collectively sending a message and not so subtly I might add.  I wonder if it is really our intentions to sink that low and why we feel like we have to?  I'm not suggesting that we put a penny between our knees when we sit down with our dates or during school.  Nor am  I talking turtlenecks in July.  However, keeping the parts protected for a little while...you'll find...will give you more power than you know.  And should you snag the bachelor you've been eyeballing...what a prize he will have waiting for him when you are ready!

Dare to be different!  Start the back to basics trend!

Sincerely,

Back in the saddle again!

So sorry to my readers that I've been gone for so long!  Planning and actually following trough with a wedding...MY wedding to be exact is quite taxing.  Moving in the man stuff, the man and his little man...even more taxing!  It's not that I'm not completely happy and content, it's simply that the euphoria of dreaming about being under the same roof has become a reality and a balancing act of independence and shared space.  Another blog subject perhaps??

On the writing front, I am just now getting back into the swing of things and I've missed my clicking keys so much!  Really pushing to finish "The Pendant of Promise" a love story for you hopeless romantics, as well as a book of poetry with photography that's been in the making for 4 years.  Man how time flies!

On the dating front, which I am no longer a part of...THANK GOD...I see that Match.com has moved to the next level by hosting singles events.  Good for them!  It may not eliminate the perpetual liar or player, but it should cut down the online stalkers who never leave the glow of their computer screens.  It's a step in the right direction I think! 

I'll be posting again tomorrow. I just wanted everyone to know I'm alive and well :)

Peace Out

To drink or not to drink...that is the question.

And the answer is a resounding no!

It's more than customary to move past the online avenue and meet in person for a drink these days, but take that social sip with caution. You really don't know the person past a few casuals email conversations or phone calls and although your intentions may be pure...theirs may not be. 

It may seem like meeting at the local watering hole is safe enough, however, having even one drink may do more than just calm those "meeting someone new" nerves.  In fact, drinking has the potential to lead to poor decision making skills; ones that might leave you wondering "What was I thinking" or worse yet...your friends wondering "Where is he/she?"   I can't tell you how many "I wish I didn't do that" testimonies I've been told during my time as an online dater...and dare I say, I've regretfully said it myself once or twice.

If you really want to see if you've made a love connection, go as your sober self and expect the same from your suitor.  Have a cup of Joe, latte or a tea and get to know the real deal you're thinking about dating.  People are different when they've had a drink, isn't the objective to get to know each other better?  A cup of coffee may seem a bit boring, but you've got plenty of time to kick up your heels and party with your new partner...should they be "the one."

If you can't get your date to respond with a resounding "yes" to the "no drink" request for your first date, then say no thanks and keep searching.  Someone who is a serious searcher and moreover, seriously interested in you, would be respectful enough to honor your wishes without making you feel like you've already disappointed them.

When it comes to first dates and drinking...just say no!

Sincerely,

Extreme measures

I received an email last week from a woman who felt a sense of vindication for her actions with online dating, after she read my book.  It gave me a sense of pride that I was able to touch her in a healing way and yet a sense of sadness that someone else was caught in the www web...to her demise.

Like so many of us, she met the gentleman on a dating website and proceeded to form, what she thought was a relationship...or at least what she hoped would be one day.  She openly admitted that most of the dates included him at her home for drinks and a dance in the sheets.  She often times had reservations over his "busy" status and would ask him about his intentions, but he lied just good enough to make her doubt her own intuition.  Feeling as though she might be missing something, she made a fake profile and sent him a flirt, to which he responded.  Although disgusted with her new findings, she played the game for three days until she couldn't take it anymore and sent him a picture of the "real deal"...her picture on the fake profile.  Needless to say, he was apologetic, just long enough to form some spin and spat back at her how horrible SHE was for her trickery.

Some more time passed and with her skepticism in tow she trudged through with a relationship, deep down she knew didn't exist.  It was then that she accidentally received an email that was intended for his significant other...his wife!  As if the marriage mis-information wasn't enough, she found out she was pregnant.  Unsurprisingly, his only concern was that his family didn't find out.

It wasn't long before this Ms. found herself in the back of an ambulance for a burst ectopic pregnancy.  With 4 liters of blood in her belly, impending surgery to remove her fallopian tube and to save her life, she held on to the belief that maybe he really cared.  Unfortunately, his only concern remained concealing his adultery.

After two months off work and a whole lot of healing, she contacted him.  The only thing he had to say for himself, was that he was grateful nobody came to the door throughout this ordeal.  Let's just say, the optimism and hopefulness in her heart was smashed beyond recognition...along with her ability to trust.

I spoke with her via email for a bit, when she said to me "I realize this scenario is a bit extreme as far as online dating goes."  But the truth is, it isn't extreme at all, the circumstances from the online dating, ie. the ectopic pregnancy might have been extreme, but not the deceit.

All too often, we are willing to forgo our misgivings and intuition to see our fairy-tales come to fruition, but our intuition is often times right on target.  One of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is to allow themselves to become what wasn't the intention in the beginning, ie. a sex partner and the like, all with the hopes of a happy ending; and that means ignoring said intuition sometimes.

The moral of the story is simple...trust yourself.  The minute you reject the red flags, you are relinquishing your control and are bound to be disappointed in the end.  You're doing yourself a huge disservice that could possibly have disastrous consequences.  If you aren't in a place where you're content with being alone, you aren't ready to be with someone else.  And if you're dismissing the the red flags, you're not content.

I'm happy to report that this Ms. is well on the road to healing and that although it will be a bit before she signs back in, she's forgiven herself and accepted her denial, seeing it as the lesson that it was, rather than the mistake that we often times label it.  After reading "I Could Write a Book," she sent this less than gentle man an email detailing her disappointment so she could turn the page and realize that it was okay to close this chapter in HER book.

For this Ms. I say...here's to a NEW read...hang in there!


Sincerely,

Online Dating SOS: Who's behind the BS?

Every so often I catch a Yahoo news article featuring online dating advice for the masses and I want to know...who's behind the BS?  No offense, the articles are well articulated and to someone who's new to online dating or just thinking about the possibility of it, I'm sure it sounds like...well sound advice. (No pun intended). But I'm beginning to think the writer hasn't been exposed to the www woes of a serious searcher and is merely spewing his/her "in a perfect world" opinion.

The titles are usually aimed at women, and tout their "how to" on behavior, dress, body language and the like.  Honestly, the only thing you need to know about online dating is that it's daunting...at best.  So daunting, in fact, that I've recently published a book about it. "I Could Write a Book: So I thought I'd try online dating LOL," which incidentally, can be found on Amazon.com in both a printed and Kindle version. (Shameless plug).

This isn't to suggest that online dating never works, it does.  However, if you're going to take a drive through that particular form of dating...which is thee twenty-first century form of dating...you better be wearing more than just a seat-belt.  I drove that road for 3+ years and while I'm happy to say I'm engaged to be married this June, it was a bumpy ride at best.  Of course, if I told you how I met my "Mr. Right" it might ruin the last chapter of my book, but let's just say it's a hopeful ending.

Back to the point of this particular blog post.  Don't waste the five minutes it will take you to get through the Yahoo yellow brick road on dating advice, it doesn't apply trust me.  Be true to yourself, is the soundest advice you'll get, along with know who you are!  In other words, don't be so distressed about your single status that you're willing to attempt to shove your round personality into his square ideals...look outside the box!  Know who you are is not a vague statement and requires much introspection if you're ever going to figure it out, especially if you're coming from a long term union of sorts.  These are the precursors to all possibilities for online/offline or true blue love.

I will be using this blog primarily for questions and answers about the real twenty-first century relationship world and to post stories I receive via email.  Sometimes they are horror stories, but those only make us realize that we're human and we all have them.  Other times they will be "match" stories to give you hope through the mayhem online dating can often times become.

There will certainly be times when I occasionally veer off course; another plug of a new book, a book signing venue, a political gripe or society gaff that I feel the need to hold a written grudge against.  But ultimately, I'd like this to be a place where the conned can congregate and the hopefuls can hover for a real "how to" answer to the many questions people often have on this particular subject.

Please feel free to email me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com or leave a comment.  Until we meet again...happy dating!!!

Sincerely,